Sunday 27 December 2009

Christmas music winding down...

So the Christmas music hasn't been so prominent at the mall [where I work] and I guess the season is moving on.  (Which is ok by me.)

Taught a new song at church today and thought I'd podcast it too.  I discovered it last Christmas (see this post).  Sometimes wish I had our band in my apartment when I do these recordings.  They're so good--great at picking up a new tune the morning of!  Props to them (and we miss you, Tim).  Anyway, over there ---> is "How Many Kings" done by just me.

Tuesday 15 December 2009

New Christmas song...(and some funny pix)

Last week, my dad came to visit (on his birthday) and we had fun with Photobooth...brought ourselves to tears!






Christmas tune #2 up on podcast...
Check it out over there --->

Monday 7 December 2009

Christmas tunes...stay tuned!

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Time when we get to pull out some great tunes (among other good things). I'm still enjoying my new computer and the break from school and work that it gives me. Here is the first Christmas tune of a few more (to be expected over the season).

Everyone loves O Holy Night right? Well, my favourite version is on a compilation cd called Happy Christmas done by Seven Day Jesus. Check it out here!

Now here is my version attempt. It's a little bit lame in how I tried to use the laptop keyboard to add in piano and bass bits. But again, I'm testing it out!

(Moving podcast to side bar--->)

Monday 30 November 2009

Testing 1, 2

I know I know, I've been blog MIA. And even this one will be short since it's almost midnight. I've been on my new computer for hours--it's the last week of school this week and everything is due! I've been reading article after article, trying to gather information for a paper that I am having a hard time formulating. I have taken little breaks, but breaks to make dinner and then to try out making my own chicken stock. I'm doing the detox that I did over three years ago. I felt like it was time. It's interesting this time since I have to make and pack so much food to take with me for the day as I spend all day out between school and work.

That's been my life this fall really. School and work. It's good though. I like my job (Health food store) and school is great! I'm looking forward to moving on to some new courses after Christmas though. This term I have French, Spanish, Latin American Civilization, The Structure of Music and Baroque and Classical Music (appreciation). For that last class, I've had to attend three concerts and write about them--last night I went to the KW Symphony for the first time! Last month I went to a choral concert at an old church, with Bach played on the organs, etc. There were three choirs all assembled through the place (it had balconies) and it was very moving. So I joined another choir (one open to non-Music majors) called Inshallah--it's out of the seminary on campus and it's all about global music of faith. Works well since I've had to sing in French, Spanish and Arabic, the three languages I'm studying (well, Arabic next year). We performed at an event about peace in Palestine. It was interesting hearing the speaker, a Palestinian from Bethlehem Bible College. We also performed at St. John's downtown, some social justice event of sorts. And we recorded a cd. All fairly cool except everyone in the choir is considerably older than me.

A contrast from my classmates who are considerably younger than me. But that's going fine. Sometimes I feel like blurting out my age to anyone near me, but that may be because some parking attendant told me I didn't look "a day over 21" as though it were a compliment.

Anyone, this is a ramble and I am tired. But I mostly wanted to try my hand at posting a podcast. (I gave in this weekend and bought a Macbook after a frustrating month with my ebay purchased PC.) Enjoy! (It's not an original...I wish.)  ---> follow link over there --->

(Just adding a note: since I'm using a podcast to host any music I'm doing, this image will change as I add new pieces. So, I'm coming back to specify that this [first] tune is "Follow You".)

Sunday 27 September 2009

One more to add...

Just got back from some friends' where we talked about ReJesus-ing ourselves and then watched The Soloist. Loved it. Still thinking about it...
Also thinking about going to New Orleans during my February holiday. I love that city and it's about time I returned.

Friday 25 September 2009

Movies again

So I really should be going to sleep. Tomorrow's Friday (well, today is, I guess) and I only have one class and it's not that early and I don't have to work (unless someone calls in sick which could happen, since sickness is starting to go around these days and who do sick people infect? Health store workers! Actually, it's interesting being in a school environment again considering sickness. I've started popping some vitamins of my own since I noticed coughs and hacks in the class and on the bus. AND apparently, there is this undercurrent of fear over a H1N1 breakout at the school. Tsk tsk. I wasn't even thinking of it until I've heard some customers air their fears to me). I've just been watching some streaming tv (so far doing well without cable. I don't get home most nights until 10 anyway). Anyone checking out Glee? Jane Lynch is a riot, as always! Not too sure what I think of The Vampire Diaries. Feels too much like a Twilight knockoff. Although, I can see how it would be appealing for those of us looking for some kind of vampire story fix while we wait for New Moon to come out!

Anyway, still up, nothing else to watch, so thought I would blog. Another Facebook list thing came up this week and I completed it. It got me thinking and reminiscing, which can be fun. Thought I'd share. Fifteen movies off the top of my head (without taking longer than 15 minutes to think about it) that will forever stick with me. I made my list without explanation, so am in the mood to share the Whys here:

1. The Chronicles of Narnia - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
I remember watching this around the same time I saw The Passion of the Christ. I remember feeling (and still find it to be so) that this story spoke more to me of Christ's sacrifice than did The Passion movie.
2. Romeo + Juliet
This was the first movie I ever saw in the Cinema. See previous post.
3. Friday the Thirteenth VII
I was at a sleepover for my friend's tenth birthday and this was one of the movies the girls wanted to watch. I knew that it was a movie I wouldn't be allowed to see, so one of the girls and I did something else while everyone else watched it. BUT, the next day, they were all talking about it and decided to watch it again. And I did watch it this time! I remember feeling really guilty about it for a long time.
4. Star Wars IV, V, VI
Even though my brother had an original Star Wars board game (which I now have and don't know if he realizes), I never actually saw the movies until I was about 15 on VHS. Not long after, they were digitally remastered and re-released in cinema and I went and saw them all. Again, Episode IV being the second movie I ever saw in the cinema.
5. The Lord of the Rings I, II, III
I remember the excitement of myself and my friends over these movies. I remember that Chris was visiting just in time to see The Fellowship and I remember that he did a little jig of glee in the cinema after it ended. I remember each time one was released and then when each extended edition was released, how excited everyone was. I remember a late night watching one of the extended editions for the first time at Aaron's on the very large retro tv and then getting pulled over by the cops on the way home because we drove through downtown late at night and there was a carload of us excited from the movie.
6. She's All That
What girl doesn't like makeover stories? And we know I like looking at Freddie Prinze Jr. (see previous post) I remember watching this when it came out while I was living in England.
7. The Passion of the Christ
Still of course, a memorable movie. I mostly remember when Jesus stepped on the snake.
8. A Thief in the Night, A Distant Thunder, Image of the Beast, Prodigal Planet
Ok, these should be at the top of my list. Really. As a kid I had serious fear issues and I think a lot of that was a result of seeing these movies! I'm sure if I watched them now I would find them humourous particularly because they are so clearly dated late seventies. Although, I can still remember scenes quite vividly and re-watching them may not be too pleasant. There's the young woman who goes to visit her grandma to find her missing and the phone hanging off the hook making that annoying beeping noise. There's the woman's scary friends, one with a horrible black moustache who chase her with their fancy car to the bridge atop some big dam, trying to urge her to take the mark of the beast (a UPC bar code on either your wrist or forehead so one can buy groceries). And then there's the guillotine. The one movie ends with it slamming down on a woman's head. (You don't see it, just the flash of the slam!) The series goes on and there're scary mutants in a deserted Omaha, shadows of flying scorpion creatures inflicting much pain, people safe and singing in a cave waiting for the Third Coming, etc. etc. Wow, so much to remember! Yup, I had a serious fear of being "Left Behind" and having to endure all of that.
9. Man in the Moon
I remember that my high school best friend loved this movie and I remember watching it a lot together. Always crying. Such a sad story really. And always trying to figure out which London twin was in it.
10. So I Married an Axe Murderer
You gotta have a comedy in your list, right? This is one of my favs. So quotable too. And it's annoying because my copy has been missing for awhile now.
11. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
The first Bollywood movie I watched through. And I loved it! Years later (bringing us to about last year) I found it all broken up on YouTube and watched it again. Sigh.
12. Pride and Prejudice (BBC)
Jane Austen and Colin Firth! I remember the first time I watched this--in Liverpool for Christmas--we watched it all straight through! It has since been made even more memorable after reading Bridget Jone's Diary 2 where Bridget gets the chance to interview Colin Firth (remember, this is the book before the movie actually has Colin Firth playing her love interest) and makes a mess of it because she is so obsessed with his role in P & P; particularly when he dives into the pond and comes out with a wet shirt. (The movie actually adds this interview from the book in the special features. It's pretty funny!)

Now that lists twelve, but I figured that was enough since a few of them were movie series.

Ok, I think I am ready to go to bed now.

Monday 14 September 2009

Le nord! Ou serez mangé: une revue.

J'ai aimée ça! C'est fantastique! Une histoire d'aventure magnifique!

(This morning I had my first university in-class course ever and it was French. This week is the first week of school and I am the most nervous about this course; but it was fine. Phew. This week is also the Blog Tour for Andrew Peterson’s second book in the Wingfeather Saga and I guess I should carry on the rest of this review in English.)

I finished reading North! Or Be Eaten rather quickly. It is one of those books where I can't help myself from cheating: when the suspense becomes too much, I scan ahead a couple of pages, looking for some resolution. I've always done that with books that are captivating and where I can't handle not knowing what’s going to happen. In my opinion, that’s a good thing; a story that is not predictable and that keeps me reading late into the night, because I just need to know what’s going to happen. It takes an author with a creative mind and one who has excelled in his/her own studies of the Three Great and Honoured Subjects to pull off another beautiful tale of the Lost Jewels of Anniera.

I have no idea if other women my age would like this kind of story, but (as I’ve blogged about before) it’s reads like this that balance out other not-so-pleasurable parts of one’s day—keep it light, mix in some stories of adventure, revisit what you delighted in as a kid. I just moved to my own apartment finally (after living in houses full of people for years) and I spent Labour Day unpacking about ten boxes of books! Two of these boxes had been taped up and were left over from the house I lived most of my childhood in. I have shelved them with the rest of my books (more adult reading) and I am looking forward to pulling one off every so often to lighten things up! Ooh ooh, I just thought: I should get TinTin actually in French—great children’s adventure stories AND kind of like studying for school.

In my apartment building are some friends who have sons. Admittedly, a few of them don’t enjoy reading, but I am going to lend Book One and Book Two to the mom to try reading with them. I am certain that they will soon be absorbed—the short chapters are bound to help too.

I’ve never written a book review before, but since this is my blog, I think it must be ok to intersperse my book thoughts with my life thoughts. As is surely the sign of a good book, book texts align with life texts and I found the text from North! Or Be Eaten that resonated with my life the most came from Peet the Sock Man, as he was reverting more and more to himself as Artham P. Wingfeather.
“…the darkness is seldom complete, and even when it is, the pinprick of light is not long in coming—and finer for the great shroud that surrounds it.”

My blog has sometimes been a place where I have shared about difficult life things. I can recall not being particularly happy with the passing of one bad year onto the next, but having just passed my twenty-ninth birthday, I am actually feeling really happy about a new season. The Light has always been there and fortunately…je la veux!

Wednesday 26 August 2009

More about books

I got a book in the mail!

And now I get to read it and blog about it! Never done a book review before, so it's a neat idea for me. The author is Andrew Peterson who I know first as a musician. In fact, I have a sticker in my room (stuck to a container of files) that says "Andrew Peterson is my friend" that he gave to me after a private concert I had the privilege of experiencing. I don't even remember what year it was, but it was before his album Love and Thunder came out because I remember him introducing the song "Tools" and talking about his grandpa. I had really only just been introduced to his music and these friends had heard wind that Andrew was playing in Grand Island, NY. A little vanload of us headed down for the show, only to encounter a two-hour delay at the Queenston/Lewiston border crossing! :( When we finally arrived to the venue, the place was empty and we discovered that the concert had started a couple hours before it was advertised as the start time! There had been some kind of promotional miscommunication. A whole second sitting of people came for the time that we were aiming to be there and Andrew and his crew were kind enough to put on a second show for them! And then our van pulled up.

I don't think there was anyone else left but Andrew, his crew (including Ben Shive and maybe one person closing up the venue. They were packing up and saw us pull in. Again, Andrew was willing to play us another concert and we all sat down on the grass and listened. A great song-writer, musician and story-teller, it was a memorable time!

I keep an eye out for other shows of his (or others of the Square Peg Alliance like Jill Phillips or Derek Webb) to come somewhere close, but it doesn't seem to happen! Not too much representing in the Great White North. I would love to see and hear the "Behold the Lamb of God" Christmas tour, but the closest one this year is still about 5 hours (somewhere in Michigan or one somewhere in Ohio)!

Anyway, considering the knack for story-telling that I observed in that memorable private concert of Andrew's and considering my renewed interest in fiction and even in kid's/teen's books (Harry Potter, Twilight, Lemony Snicket), I got a copy of the first book in the The Wingfeather Saga as soon as it came out and now I am looking forward to continuing the story!

I'm right in the midst of moving, settling into a new job (trying to learn the ropes around a Health store--supplements and all that jazz), wrapping up the summer (road trips to visit family) and preparing to go back to school BUT, I WILL get to reading this book. Expect my official review between Sept. 14 and 18 (which also happens to be my first week of school) to be part of the "North! Or Be Eaten" blog tour.

Tuesday 18 August 2009

Movies @ the cinema

I'm moving soon and am taking some time this week to pack. You know you're a bit of a nerd when the majority of your boxes are books and cds! This morning I've been going through paperwork and through a tin of random things. It's interesting to see what things I have saved. I try my best to not be a pack rat, keeping a policy to get rid of an item of clothing every time I get a new piece for example. I think this is a by product of the first two years that I lived in Kitchener-Waterloo, when I packed up and moved (either abroad or to another rental place in town) eleven times!!

Anyway, in this tin I mentioned are things like old (and current) passports, extra sets of car keys, Canadian Tire money, business cards...and...saved cinema stubs! I'm not sure when I started this habit, but I think that I have saved stubs from nearly every movie I've seen in the cinema for at least ten years. Why? I can think of two reasons. The first is because I remember that a friend once told me that Jumbo Video would give out free rentals for your cinema stubs. Do I have a Jumbo Video membership or do I ever go to the one location in town? Nope. Second, I was never allowed to go to the movies as a kid. The first time I ever went to the cinema was for a class outing to see Romeo and Juliet for grade eleven English class; it happened to be the year that Leo and Claire did their version of the story. Shortly after that, I remember that I was somehow able to convince my parents to let me go and see the re-release of Star Wars in cinema and that was where my cinema movie viewing began.

So, I've decided to throw the stubs out today. But before I do, I want to look at them and record just what movies I saw. Since the local independent theatres don't have stubs, this list will not count all the films I saw there. The order is not chronological and again, I have no idea how many years this goes back, but here they are:
Chronicles of Narnia
Superman Returns - Imax
Star Wars Episode III
Spiderman III
The Queen
Marley and Me
X-Men
Quantum of Solace
The Bourne Identity
Cold Creek Manor
Sweet Home Alabama (wow I saw that in Burnaby, BC)
Freaky Friday
Bridget Jones 2
The Forgotten
Hero
Farenheit 9/11
The Manchurian Candidate
Troy
The Stepford Wives (hmm, that cinema isn't even open anymore--Cinema 4 in Collingwood)
Shrek 2 (I think that was the first movie I went to by myself--and it was my birthday)
Spiderman 2
Return of the King
Love Actually
Matrix: Revolutions
A Beautiful Mind
Castaway
Lord of the Rings (I think it's The Fellowship of the Ring)
Chicago (and that cinema is gone now too--Kings College in Kitchener)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
13 Going on 30
Star Wars (can't read which one)
Green Mile
Romeo Must Die
Mission Impossible 2
Riding in Cars With Boys
Rat Race (I remember seeing that on my birthday, the same year I watched Shrek 2)
Spiderman
Catch Me if You Can
Along Came Polly
Chicken Run
The Passion of the Christ
Star Wars - The Phantom Menace
The Proposal
Star Trek
Made of Honor
What Happens in Vegas
Sex and the City
Pirates of the Caribbean

Hmh. That's it. You'd think there'd be more. I guess those are just the ones I saved. It was hard to read some of them, so maybe I threw out older ones once before. I wonder if the list reveals at all what kind of person I am.

Monday 27 July 2009

Writing Ambitions

A few weeks ago I felt urged to go back and read through my old journals. Mostly I was searching for things that God spoke to me about over the years. In doing this, I was struck by the amount of "writing" I did. Here is one I especially liked from August 27, 2003:

There's a place where my joy is overflowing
Won't You take my hand and lead me there?
A place where I am full
A time when hope soars
And my desires and I make sense.

And in a very different tone, this is me journalling on April 6, 2004:

Me at just myself, that is me without any added strength or goodness, has a definite look. Tired, dreaming, introverted, independent, decisive....
Me with some added graces is much more dependable, considerate, patient, observant.
And where am I right now?
Just barely at myself.

As can be imagined, the two days of reading, reflection and retrospection was very life-giving. Just what I needed. Not to mention the wonderful gift of actually finding words spoken to me from God. And I am in a renewed place of listening more closely again. Trying to find a new path can be a scary place and it was so good to be reminded that I have passed through scarier things.

I am doing my best to embrace the transition and the search; and now, once again, needing to big-time trust in my dependable God. In fact, that statement reminds me that it was during another time of re-reading journal entries from 2001 a year later, that I set them to music; a nice little worship song I may teach the church if I ever feel inspired:

You are constant, my one only stability
Confusion comes, but You hold still
As the Unchanging.

You have brought clarity and Your insight in the past
And You will do it again
You have met my needs in the past
And You will provide again.

Always and forever, You will be faithful
Always and forever, You will be faithful
Always and forever, You will be faithful
And You will provide again

If ever there could be a chance for me
To possess as much faith in You
As there is continually
Shown faithfulness from You

I would save myself from myself
And my doubting tendencies
And I would be more like You
Oh faithful One, so unchanging

Always and forever, You will be faithful
Always and forever, You will be faithful
Always and forever, You will be faithful
And You will provide again


Now, to tie this together...There is a piece of paper tucked in the front of my Bible that I wrote at a camp in June 2005. It is basically a list of goals/things I want to do. There are nine things listed and I have completed one (which I didn't realize was on the list until later)! The fifth thing listed is, "I want to write more (not including songs)." What I meant by the brackets, was that song-writing was already a given (being a part of thing number four--"I want to have a band that writes, records and performs [in small venues]"). See, as a kid, I wrote stories. I even won a Creative Writing award at age eight. And in high school, I think I actually liked writing essays. I'm not sure how this all unravels out and what kind of writing I want to do, but I also know that as a kid, I read a lot. A lot of fiction that is. Even though I continue to have a growing library, I think my passion for reading dwindled a bit as I became an adult and tackled non-fiction and theological books. I have so many books purchased with bookmarks stuck partway through them. However, this month I have devoured a couple of novels. (Yes, I did just read Twilight and I did it in less than a day.) I also signed out a poetry book from the university library.

So I was kind of meditating on the idea of and word "Immanuel" and then attempted to compose a poem, which then ended up more like a song. In the way that the words won't come across the greatest until they are set to music. So I'll leave that one until I get some music ideas....

But back to that list...I have made some decisions to go after two other things. "I want to learn more Spanish, Portuguese and French. Maybe actually through immersion" and "I would like to complete some more formal education". I have decided to do these simultaneously and declared a Language major today. (Gonna try for a Music Minor in there too.) I'm kind of late for this, but the details are coming together fairly smoothly! Feeling good.

(I had been applying to Office Manager/Administration/Bookkeeper/Program Manager kind of jobs. Applied for 23 in total since the third week of May. Came very close to one last week, but then didn't get it. In the words of my Facebook status tonight, "Beth Morgan gave up then gave in and feels good about it." Seriously.)

Monday 4 May 2009

Reflection

It's midnight and I'm surprised I am awake. Our Orientation weekend wrapped up today, with the final team (out of 18) leaving the camp at 4 pm. We were able to get things packed up and cleaned up and got out of there shortly after. Then we did our annual dinner treat as staff and remaining volunteers. Good times. It actually really was a good Orientation weekend for me. I'm so accustomed to hearing from all of the participating students over the years, just how much they look forward to and love these mass events--January Leader's Retreat, Orientation, etc. while for me, they have come to embody extreme exhaustion! Finding yourself mumbling and stumbling by the end of it! Definitely not looking forward to it. This weekend was different than that!

About a month ago it occurred to me that the amount of work to actually organize these teams and get things set for their month away was overwhelming enough and that I couldn't handle organizational responsibilities for this Orientation event on top of all of that. And wow. What a difference letting go made. I really enjoyed myself. Sure, I'm still tired, but I feel good. I feel happy.

I feel affirmed in my new big life change decision. Haven't blogged about it yet, but a few weeks back, I was quite suddenly inspired to make a big change. To let go. To give up. To do what I need to do for me. And yes, there are little things that keep confirming this decision. Letting myself let go of "doing" and running myself to the ground was just what I needed to do to make it through this weekend and to even have the added blessing of enjoying myself and really connecting with people. Deciding to make a "career" change after nearly ten years is what I need to do.

The threat of the "swine flu" pandemic and the subsequent, incessant stress of participants' parents last week really wore me down and I found myself still "working" in my head when I went home. Even lying in my bed, I couldn't silence the thoughts of "doing". My head is quite often in overload with thoughts around work and things to remember to do, even when I shouldn't be focused on tasks or work. I think it's one thing that makes me hard to work with sometimes, in that I will often just blurt things out, interrupting others, to bring up whatever task happens to pop into my head at that moment; as if speaking it out will keep me from forgetting it and bring someone else into my overloaded head space. On this particular evening last week, I was so aware of my bringing-work-home-ness that I tried to consciously change my thoughts to something else. The next subject that came to mind was family. And as we know, that isn't any less stressful!

So yeah, too much work on my plate, too much family stress, unhappiness...what can I change? I decided that work was something I could change and that I hit this place where I really needed to. Again, this did catch me by surprise since for months, I've been saying how work is one area in my life that is good and where I have some fulfillment. It seems to me that something got peeled back and revealed to me one day out of the blue that this really wasn't the case. Certainly a lot of emotion went around in having this revelation and in having to make this decision, but it is right. And I know it and feel it. And in a good way even more after this weekend. It was nice to let go, to hang out and take it all in. To embrace the community again and not sweat the details.

Thursday 12 March 2009

Wow

The same night I wrote the last post, I responded to the email from my supporters. The very next day, I heard back from them and was "surprised by hope" that they actually were thinking of increasing their level of support! That was certainly a quick affirmation of God's promise! Amazing.

I got my hair done this week.

Wednesday 4 March 2009

Hmh??

I was getting my Income Tax Return stuff together last night, excited about getting a refund. Certain that I paid too much tax for my lowly annual income. Well, turns out that I owe money! And it's all because I didn't pay tax on the money I make for my private tutoring. I mean, I could lie and pretend that I didn't actually make that money (don't worry snooping CRA man, I'm just kidding)...It really bothered me. I was really hoping for some extra income. With all the work ya do to even file the return! Went to bed hearing the hymn refrain in my head, "God will take care of you..." and thinking how I'm one of those Canadians who wants its country to take care of its people, so I should suck it up and pay the tax! (I still can't help but think they've got it wrong. I did lots of charitable giving and if you work it out, it's just a minimum wage salary! Aren't I one of the ones the government is supposed to be taking care of?!) Still, I tried to take God's word to heart and agree to trust him [once again] to provide.

This morning, still struggling with that, but doing it. This afternoon, got an email from my longest financial supporters asking for insight into my financial situation because there are other missionaries who are having lots of needs at the moment. The email didn't shock me, because honestly, I've been wondering when it would happen (10 years is a long time to support someone), considering how I've been getting a little salary now from Global. Just thought it was funny how it happened today. After my tax incident. Is God really trying to tell me something? Maybe it's the "thrill" of "living by faith" that I'm supposed to get back into and that's gonna drag me out of my depressed slump. Seriously, if that's the case, what a weird idea. Since instability can actually be super depressing. Do I REALLY need something else depressing in my life?!

Maybe it's a suggestion to not spend some money on my hair, like I've been holding out for (to push back the winter blues).

Thursday 19 February 2009

The 25 Random Things Thing

So I decided to waste some time last night on Facebook and ended up doing the "random" thing and blurted down 25 things about myself as they "randomly" came to mind. Thought I'd share them here:

1. I've always liked to say that I don't follow trends, but I keep contradicting myself on that one.
2. Two nights ago I puked on the hour for 7 hours! It was horrible. (You know, after two times, there's not really anything left.) It seems that this occurrence happens to me every few years and I can clearly pinpoint the other times, because I was away. Once in Victoria, once in Winnipeg and once in Northern Ireland. As best as I can figure it out, it is food poisoning.
3. I actually have never really had digestive trouble with all of my travelling/living abroad.
4. I don't really like Gap or American Eagle Outfitters and I have never bought anything from either place.
5. I like listening to CBC radio.
6. Hmm, this one was about this blog, so I'll have to blurt out something else for here. Um...I love sandwiches. A lot. Once for grade 10 Biology, we were supposed to keep track of our diet to count calories and that particular day ended up being a snow day. My calories were through the roof because I made 6 sandwiches for myself that day!
7. I used to write stories when I was little.
8. I try to write songs.
9. I like trivia and can get too obsessed with knowing things.
10. Even though I try to stay knowledgeable about politics, I really am not that political of a person.
11. I can be annoyingly unexciteable and unpassionate about things.
12. Music is my one constant love. Singing especially. I play guitar, bass, piano and percussion, but none of them as well as I'd like.
13. I did public speaking competitions from grade 7 to 9 and went especially far (made money) in grade 8 on my speech about the weirdness of the English language. I actually plagiarized most of the speech's content from an article in Reader's Digest and no one ever caught me! My grade 9 speech on my future ambition to be a housewife and mother didn't go very far.
14. My elementary school was tiny and playing chess was cool. I was good at it and won in the county and went to the provincials. I am proud of this, but it makes me nervous to play now because it's a lot to live up to. I don't think I'm that great anymore.
15. I was once a hippy poser and a boarder poser at the same time. Now I am not close to either. I went to some concerts in Guelph recently and felt out of place with all the hippies.
16. People have this impression that I am a travelling machine. This leads to some people thinking that I am not very settled. The fact is, I have lived in the same city for nearly ten years!
17. The only place I ever really wanted to go was England and I did, living there ten years ago. I view any other travelling as an added blessing that I am given almost year-to-year.
18. I have so many cousins, that I lose track! Some of my older cousins have children older than our younger cousins.
19. Seeing other cultures, I have a great respect for prioritizing community living and taking care of family. My mom has been living in a nursing home since July. Sigh.
20. I am a fan of lesser-known shows like Veronica Mars and Instant Star. But I also love Lost, 24, Prison Break, etc. My favourite reality shows are the Amazing Race and So You Think You Can Dance.
21. In my teen years, I used to go to a lot of Christian concerts. I saw the Vancouver group Hokus Pick about 10 times, so that they started to recognize me.
22. I like dogs, but can't picture having one in the city. My dog Duke lived for 16 years (on a farm). He used to chase everything, snowmobiles, cars, walkers, school bus, ground hogs, snakes, rabbits....I once helped him kill a raccoon (when I was 10). Oh Duke.
23. My lungs aren't very good when I exercise. I am not convinced that they will get better with training. Even when I was little and really fit, I could never run a complete lap without going a ridiculous slow pace. I get weezy when I exert myself a lot (like a spin class), or outside in the cold (like jogging up the block last week to the video store). I have a puffer. Sometimes I get this weezy cough when I'm nervous. I sometimes wonder if I picked something up in Mexico City as I can clearly remember having breathing problems there.
24. I am a huge advocate for making sure that women are properly fitted at a bra store. I hate that commercial for "Meals Ready Before You Are" where the woman comes downstairs in her bra to take her meal out of the microwave. The bra is riding up in the back! It doesn't fit her right!
25. On my 25th birthday I picked up my new car and had a backyard party at good ol' 380 Louisa St. For that birthday, I went and saw U2!

Sunday 8 February 2009

Breaking up the February blahs

So I hit up some shows yesterday. It had occurred to me recently that I used to attend concerts a lot (in my younger years!) and hadn't been to one in ages. I'd been looking into what's local and stumbled upon the second annual Hillside Inside festival held in Guelph. Despite not having anyone to go with (well, I could have tried harder to find someone, I guess), I bought a ticket Friday night and went Saturday afternoon. It was a good event. Great music. Just kinda chillin' like for most of the day, checking out the acts, wandering around. Laughing to myself at just how hippy Guelph is. It was nice to just take in live, good music. Even Guelph's local talent The Magic were a good listen.

It was nice how you could go at will to the floor level and so I did for two of the better/bigger shows: Bedouin Soundclash and Sam Roberts Band. Sweet. The BS show was kind of a flashback to my days of "rude boys" "skanking" at the shows. (Here's a photo of me in those days.) Yes, once upon a time I guess I would have fit in quite well with the hippy crowd, as you can see, but I kinda felt out of it yesterday. No matter though--totally dug the music. I was rather enthralled by the bass of Bedouin Soundclash. I played the bass at church this morning and well, I need to practice.

The Sam Roberts show was by far the best though. Best energy (although by then, I was getting quite tired from the day)--don't know how the drummer could endure. They played all of their songs that I really like and the musicianship, especially with their 5-10 minute instrumental ending of fabulous rockness, excellent! Somewhere in the midst of that show I noticed a girl I recognized from high school (there seems to be Collingwood people everywhere) and afterward talked with her and her brother--the first people I'd actually had a conversation with all evening! That was nice.

So yeah, live music stuff. My latest thing to bring cheer to the blahs.

Here is a video of That 1 Guy, who with his magic pipe only, plays quite the show. You gotta see it to get it. Actually, I did see him and I even went up after to look closer at the contraption and I still don't get it. But it was cool.

Sunday 1 February 2009

A voice--my voice--from the Past

It has been really nice this weekend to have no obligations, nothing to do, nowhere to be. I didn't leave the house all day yesterday and I quite enjoyed it. I read a whole book (some fictional tale about a girl in S. Africa, her father's unfaithfulness, her mother's insanity and fairies), finished a whole season of Heroes and roasted a whole bunch of parsnips. Today I went to church and didn't have to be there at any certain time (was not playing or leading any music this week). I attempted to stay in tune with what the pastor was talking about, but found myself doodling and then practicing fractions to make sure I'm in shape for the tutoring I am doing. Subtracting fractions led to me working out my genealogy/ancestry---I'm not completely sure, but I think it is 5/8 English, 1/8 Irish, 1/8 Scottish and 1/8 Welsh. Then this led me to realize that my grandparents' names make a little rhyme (Mary, Bruce, Ralph and Ruth) and maybe I should write a song about them (the little I know about them) sometime.

Then I found myself back in tune with the sermon and felt emotion stirring [again]. I'm supposed to be investigating my happiness right now and questioning if I am being held back from life by things in my life (funny that). (This is what I took from my last counselling session.) So I have been trying to dig, but not dig too much, into what I could do to be happier. The sermon "So What?" was a kind of look at What has God made me to do? I've been thinking again about music things.

There are things I want to see and I want to happen that I really can't do anything about--is there anything I can actually do? Even if there is, I'm kind of tired to doing. I am a doer by nature and today I feel like giving up on figuring out what I can do! I ended up at home and after lunch and a taste of Bollywood film (an indulgence I enjoy on some Sunday afternoons) I again retreated to my room and brought this all up with God. This song came to mind and the funny thing was that it is my own song, written eight years ago in India for a friend who was crying from physical pain (food related). I went and dug out my folder of self-composed songs and started with this one. It was interesting that it changed its meaning for me today--from a fun, cheer-up-my-friend song to a bit of a prayer. Then I tried another one that I wrote eleven years ago! It seemed better than I remembered. Then there was one that I've always liked that, this afternoon, I found hard to sing through. Funny how six years later, I'm still feeling the same way about the same things.

In the pile were a couple of poems that my brother wrote while I was in Derby ten years ago on my YWAM DTS and that I later put music to. He had actually emailed these to me while I was away from home for the first time and today I was able to read over what he had written me. I always remember my brother being soo much older than me yet, here are his words from his younger self--younger than I am now! And today they were special and encouraging to read again.

Finally I came across a printed email that I had written to a friend of mine during this same time. I had just come back to England from six weeks in Brazil and I was excited, inspired and filled up. Today as I read my own words from my eighteen year old self, I was pushed to more tears. I was writing to encourage my friend and to testify to what all God was doing around and in me and today, I ended up encouraging my ten year older self. Well, I'm not exactly sure if I am encouraged. I am deeply touched. I am amazed at how what I wrote then applies to how I feel now. I have this letter beside me right now and every time I look at it to perhaps pull out something that is touching me, I get all teary again. I think I will just continue to mull over my words!

I could look at my eighteen year-old self as young and untouched by pains and disappointments. Nevertheless, the words I wrote then are still truths and I must take these words to heart. The experiences I had during that time of my life were very real and I should hold to them and build on them, not brush them aside. I can scarcely comprehend the wisdom coming from the mouth of my eighteen year old self. Weird how God can speak to you through your past self. It's kind of like an episode of Heroes!

(This is me then. Hippy hair, plaid checked polyester man pants, a shirt with the Play Doh logo on it saying "Pray Mo'", the orange bowling shirt and my "I'm Po' But I'm Proud Shirt". Sigh.)

Saturday 24 January 2009

Grief and Grace

I went to a funeral this morning and I am glad I went. My experiences with funerals have mostly been in my childhood and they are not pleasant memories. The service today was really nice and even though I didn't particularly know the deceased, I was moved by the Eulogy and the pastor's reflection on our Hope. Disease and death are not going to win in the end--they are not a part of God's kingdom, Hallelujah! Alzheimer's had already taken this man from his family slowly over the last fifteen years and it was moving to hear how his family have really been "robbed" of getting to know their father, father-in-law and grandfather. Afterward, a man from the church who has regularly been checking in on how things are going with my mom, asked me if I could somewhat relate to this family's story today. Perhaps this question may have offended me at one point, but really, I did relate somewhat. In the New Year, I officially decided to see a counsellor and my first session left me feeling sad with the reality that yes, I am having to begin grieving over my mom. Even though she is still alive, the mom I have known may never return. (Certainly this was a sad thing to point out, but I am still thankful for the help I know these counselling sessions will be as I likely have a long haul ahead of me through this.) Seeing this family grieving today was actually good for me I feel.

Grief is an odd thing I guess. I guess I do somewhat feel in a perpetual state of sadness. It's not just the mental state of my mom, there are other losses, pain and disappointments happening around in my life too. And I get tired of being sad. But it is real. And I believe that God (and likely this counsellor) is and will help me to cope and manage this. Friends help too.

I want to give thanks for the times of reprieve from the sadness. I blogged on December 7 some very sad things, but the very next day I met someone nice and was surprised by some joy. My depressed morning slumps were broken, amazingly. And Christmas was rough, but returning home and joining in on another family's celebration was joyous. This week was my mom's birthday and the first time I'd seen her since Christmas. It wasn't a great visit, but again, I was surprised--a doctor from a Mental Health Centre coincidentally was there and I had the opportunity to speak with him. Something practical, which helps a lot when I struggle with feeling unable to DO anything.

I had to do something the other day that I've never quite had to do before and it was really hard. But it was right. It's requiring a lot of trusting on my part--trusting that I'm hearing my heart and hearing God correctly. And trusting God STILL that he has something/someone more/better for me. I guess again I'm disappointed and sad. But the same day I woke up feeling this way, I heard a radio sermon titled Grace When I'm Disappointed. How timely, once again. Looking at Elijah and how he got depressed, I am reminded how I need people and how I need to recognize goodness, blessings, faithfulness and provision. So yes, here I am: Sad, but thankful. Disappointed, but hopeful. There is grace.