This is My Father's World

What a great day! It all just kind of "came together". I had no plan for my Sunday afternoon, but during the sermon in church this morning, my mind wandered to the idea of going for a nice, long bike ride. So after making lunch, I applied my sunscreen, filled my water bottle and went.

As much as I like biking around city streets, I was thinking of going out into the "country". Every day that I drive out to Pfennings I see great bike routes and realize that I really do have a draw to small towns and countryside. At the same time, I knew that I wouldn't be able to physically handle going so far on such a hot day and on an unfamiliar bike (I wanted to try out my housemate's). K-W has some good trails in the city, but I figured they'd be busy with walkers today, so I decided to stick to the city streets.

I was chucking along University Ave. heading out towards RIM Park when I came upon a sign for the Grand River Trail. Yes, this sign. (I try to illustrate these blogs as much as I can.)...

Now as a much as I love Kitchener-Waterloo, I have always found it hard that there is no lake, beach or attractive nature around (at least not, compared to my hometown--that's Wasaga in this pic...)

Every so often around town here, I cross this "Grand River", but well...yeah. I had heard of this trail, so I decided to take it.

First, I discovered this huge Kiwanis Park place that I never even knew existed in this city--looks like an awesome place to swim!

Then I was on this trail that basically winds around the river. I ended up biking along it for about 8 km, completely alone. I was no longer in the city. I was in the woods, I was at the river's bank. I was up, I was down, I was going through long, long grass and I had no idea where I was. I saw no one for a long time and no one saw me. In fact, no one in the world knew where I was (not even myself), which felt a little risky at moments, but brought back many childhood memories of me doing basically the same thing in the areas around our farm. I figured if I was safe as child, I was just as safe today.

I really can't describe fully just how much I enjoyed those kms along the trail today. It was as though I entered a secret little world or something. One moment I was in Waterloo and the next, I was completely hidden in nature. There was the feeling of familiarity with biking on trails that took me back to happy, childhood times of solitude. There was my catching glimpses of the treeline as it would only be along the edge of a river and that reminded me of the Amazon. There was my accidental detour off of the correct trail, right into wildgrass--a little precarious on a bike! There was me getting off the bike, traipsing through the grass, my foot falling in a hole, but me not injuring it and feeling relief that I didn't, seeing as I was in 'nowhere'. My delight with Lisa's bike that has thicker tires than mine and allowed me to bike without fear over such a variety of terrain. There was my successful ascent up a steep grade. And so many, many smiles out loud. Honestly, I couldn't help but smiling to myself. And to whoever else was there with me.

There was practically a laugh out loud as I coasted speedily down a gravel hill (again, without any of my usual skinny-tire-fear), passing some other people who said hello and then realizing I was re-entering the world. And where did I re-enter exactly? At The Dollhouse. LOL. (Kitchener's strip club.)

Today is Father's Day and I didn't visit my dad. Mostly because of gas prices and the fact that I am driving 40 km per day to work at this farm with the hopes of saving money! (I will see my dad next week though since I have to do a teachy gig at a camp up there.) This morning at church a woman whose father lives in Missouri shared her plan to spend today in her "Father's world". She then beautifully sang the hymn that I had forgotten has been a favourite of mine in years past. It came back to mind this afternoon as I spent the time I did--particularly as I walked through the tall, tall grass.

This is my Father's world and to my listening ears all nature sings and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father's world: I rest me in the thought of rocks and trees, of skies and seas; his hand the wonders wrought.
This is my Father's world, the birds their carols raise, the morning light, the lily white, declare their maker's praise.
This is my Father's world: he shines in all that's fair; in the rustling grass I hear him pass; he speaks to me everywhere.

I've Got the Month of May

Today is Victoria Day, or the holiday Canadians affectionately call "May 2-4 weekend". It is one of those days where it is warmer outside than in and I took advantage of the day off and the sun. For a few weeks now, I have been revelling in what I see around me. Indeed, this is one of the few months of May that I have actually been at home
(1999 - England
2000 - Mexico
2001 - Macedonia
2002 - Brazil
2003 - Brazil
2004 - Ontario
2005 - Guatemala & Ontario
2006 - Thailand & Cambodia)
and I have been strolling around Waterloo, taking it all in.

Being Mom's Little Girl

It hit me today that I miss my mom. It hit me and it broke me. Then after a five-hour car ride that should have only been a two-hour ride (here's that story), I saw her, shared my tears and thoughts with her and have come out a little better.

I know that I come across to practically everyone that I am this strong, independent woman. Today on Mother's Day, it hit me that I needed mothering. An overwhelming ache as I drove and drove and drove. As I drove and saw so many families, couples--happy people making the most of inching along the road on a Sunday afternoon. As I drove and felt lonely. Alone, shifting those gears up, then down. Changing the tunes. Turning off the tunes. Kind of aching and wanting my mom.

(And then being afraid that when I did finally make it to Barrie, she may not be there for me. And she may need me. And the roles may still be reversed.)

It's taken many years, I guess. As teenagers, girls often want to be as far away as possible from their moms. I was like that off and on. Clashes with my mom were not uncommon, especially as I demanded more independence and she swung into more of her manic stages. At sixteen, having had my license for only one month, my parents trusted me enough to let me drive their car with two friends twelve hours to Pennsylvania for our first big "Independence Trek"--camping for a week at a music festival! At eighteen, I moved across the Atlantic and didn't come back for nine months! At nineteen, I moved to Kitchener (in the dodgiest area of the city, mind you) and figured out the city life completely on my own.

It's almost like I've always seen independence as this amazing trait, something to go after. Yet, I remember the first time my closest friend challenged me with the fact that we are not born independent and the actual created design is that humankind be interdependent. I need to let myself need others. I have sought after this more and more in my relationships. (I know I have improved and I hope that those around me would agree. I hope that those that really know, see me as someone not always strong...) Except not so much in my relationship with my parents.

It hit me today that my mom hasn't called me for a long time. She used to call often and try to chat with me. And by try, I mean that I would just sit there and listen. Never offering much of my own self, my own life. Even when asked. Classic case of kid coming home from school to a mom sincerely asking, "How was your day?" and the kid says, "Fine," and goes up to their room.

And today it hit me and it broke me. I wish I could have the chance again to pour out my life to my mom on the phone. Why have I assumed for so long that my parents only need me? Why have I not let myself need them?

Anyway, like I said, this day has a happy ending. I saw my mom and I told her I missed her. I told her I realized I never talked very consistently to her on the phone and I wished she would call again so I could talk to her. I told her that I was sad. I told her that I was feeling lonely. I asked her for advice. I told her what she could pray for for me. I asked her to pray with me and she did. I showed her pictures from my life recently. I showed her my new dress and my new haircut. I lay beside her on her bed for two hours and she held me, stroked my hair (something I used to cringe away from) and loved me. She told me, "Don't cry, Bethy. It's ok."

"God, thank you for nudging me to let myself need my mom. Thank you that my mom is actually my mom right now. Thank you for bringing her along as you are. As I have prayed/sang in the past when that wasn't the case, thank you that you are my Heavenly Mother.

Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you like a mother while you rest
The tide can change so fast
But I will stay
The same through past the same in future the same today

I am constant
I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy
I am wise
I’m the only one who knows your heart’s desires
Your heart’s desires

Oh weary tired and worn
Let out your sighs
Drop that heavy load you hold cause mine is light
And I know you through and through
There’s no need to hide
I want to show you love that is deep and high and wide

Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother
While you rest."
***

I Gave In

Joined Facebook tonight. Sigh. More time spent online. You have to admit though, it's pretty cool. Excellent to see the Global Youth Network group (with lots of alumni, current travellers and photos)! Then there's the many lost high school friends...yikes. I hope they contact me first. :)

I also rented a Renault diesel, manual wagon today! To be picked up in Paris in July! Very exciting stuff. As much as I would have loved to take the train, this is going to be an excellent deal and we can tread off the beaten path as much as we'd like and not be on specific schedules. Next step, find some affordable accommodation in Paris.

I really love how God is one step ahead of me. Once again, on the topic of employment, he is spot on! I've been contemplating an extra summer job lately and wonder of wonders, a friend approached me today to tell me that the boss of the sign shop I have previously worked at is looking to hire someone. And my friend mentioned me to him without knowing that I may even be interested.

Now even though I had been thinking about a farm job over the summer (seriously, I like weeding, the heat and the sun), the way that this topic randomly came up is striking me as a bit of a possible God thing. God even has a sense of humor, since one of my trained tasks at the sign shop is actually called "weeding"!

I have story after story of how God faithfully has provided income and/or employment at just the time I needed it. Ever since I joined this crazy YWAM/Global world. There were my days at The Pita Pit--as low-paid as it was, it was flexible and exactly what I needed at the time. Then right as that shop closed up, there was this sign job opportunity which also was flexible and a marvelous blend of fun, technicality and art! Then one day, there was no more work there. But when I started to be concerned, these ESL tutoring jobs came up. Then the students all went back to Korea, but Global got its act together a bit and started helping us out!

Now there's school and holiday costs to cover and here my most amazing Friend goes. He's so generous, I love it!

"For God is sheer beauty,
all-generous in love,
loyal always and ever."